xysabridde (xysabridde) wrote,

university ramblings

I don't think a good start to your university career is coming home on the train thinking "fucking HELL I hate university".

The course has elements I was not introduced to when I started it last year (namely, a bigger emphasis on linguistics than I thought there would ever be). My good ol' friend social anxiety is back with a vengeance and I have so far managed to network with a grand total of three people. Only one of whom I actually have contact details for. It's very difficult to take each victory as it comes when my first victory is scoring fucking 70% on a test I should have gone through with little to no effort at all. 35 out of 50 is not going to pass any exams. Unless it's the entrance test for the 'People who got into this University by Accident' course.

The bigger problem is... I don't like the city. I don't like any of the studios I've visited. I hate the university accommodation. I don't like the university grounds and I don't like the university buildings. One of my lecturers today said something about us getting comfortable for the next four years and my brain shrieked "FOUR FUCKING YEARS?! OH HELL NO." Getting on the train to come home each day is pure comfort. I stood all the way to Newport (one hour ish) and I didn't give a fuck because I wasn't in that city any more.

I had my first panic attack on campus today. Missed a study session.

ughhhh now I have to go back tomorrow whyyyyyyy
Tags: just kill me now, xysabridde

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